Most people either love or despise this time of year. If you’re single, Valentines Day is often a reminder of your status. A couple of years ago, I was a serial dater. I spent most of my time on Tinder trying to swipe my way into the perfect relationship. I didn’t understand the true purpose of dating at the time. Dating was used to fill an emotional void instead of to fulfill purpose.
One day God told me to delete all of my dating apps and give him control over my love life. I entered into a time of healing, restoration and self awareness. I restricted myself from dating for over 1 year, which was out of the norm for someone who had one every weekend! Here’s 4 reasons why I stopped dating:
1. I needed to love myself first. All of my past relationships were based on a need for love and validation. I fed off affirmation and the feeling of being desired. Getting to the root of why I needed to be affirmed by people was a major breakthrough for me (thanks to my counselor). After that discovery, I learned how to love myself. I took intentional time to learn my positive attributes, flaws, likes and dislikes. I took myself on trips, to the movies and to fancy dinners.
2. My heart was tied to someone. I did meet someone on Tinder, who became a very significant part of my life. We initially lost touch, but reconnected shortly after. I fell deeply in love with this man, but knew he wasn’t apart of my destiny. There was no way I would have room for the right one if my heart was still entangled with him. The next few years became a battle with myself to leave. It was hard for me to accept that he could not be apart of my future, even as a friend. Eventually we parted ways…and it hurt me to the core. However this was absolutely necessary. I needed to be completely available to my future partner- mind, body and soul.
3. I needed to focus on my purpose. After learning more about myself, I was able to discover my purpose. I was so wrapped up in the idea of being a wife and mother that I couldn’t focus on the other areas. Without distraction I was able to work!
4. I had to set standards and boundaries. I made a commitment to remain abstinent until marriage, which eliminated most of the men who approached me. I wanted to honor God and my body by not giving away to a man who’s not invested in our future. Having this boundary/standard helps me say no to any man who’s not on the same page.
For the first time in a long time, I’m content with being single. By content I mean at peace with this season of my life. I still very much desire to be in a healthy relationship that will lead to marriage, however it does not consume my life. I got to this place by doing a lot of soul work. I had to let God heal my heart and be my source for every emotional need. Is it easy? Absolutely not! I have weak moments when I just want to cuddle and watch movies. It’s in those moments I have to ask myself, “Will this temporary moment satisfy you permanently?” -xo Lorean 💜